depression and truth

not that i'm depressed! just coming off a real sttoooopid crajee 2 weeks - i'm kinda wiped out... flat out exhausted. i remember in some psych class (or consumer behavior?) - where i learned the depressed people make the most rational decisions. that's mainly b/c they are free from any biased thinking - so they can generally see a spade to be a spade. there's something similar to be said for walking in a near-zombie state the past few days - but yet, still able to form coherent thoughts... wat did i come out with? basically that i'm exactly where i should be. a year ago this time, i was in transition from LA to SF, wit no real direction to my life. i was clinging to hope that God would keep my in cali, cause that's just the place to be... of course - as i kept praying - i was shown more. when i first came back, i was kicking myself for rejecting this one large asset management company (IN LA!!!!) - a job i'm good at, in the division i really wanted, where my professional qualifications would naturally lead me to, and where i know i could have 'succeeded' - and i rejected based on a few grand salary! wow - i'm so glad my heart was hardened at that point. all i can say is that what led me 'home' is God saying - go back, and learn from Me, and I will make your path straight.

i'm now realizing what that meant. i love what i do - and even the past couple of weeks where i've gone on a bit of sleep - it's great to be in a position where i can impact people. the difference between now and the old banking days - obviously my beliefs have changed. back then - pulling 75-85 hour work weeks was the norm, and believe me - there was much bitching... 'specially when the call comes in at 2am calling u into the office (i had to have a special line installed into my bedroom so i don't wake up the house!)... i'm not saying i carry those hours now on a normal basis, but i actually want to stay in the office and get to know the colleagues and 'be a light' (matt 5:16)... to do otherwise would seem to me like i'm shirking my real responsibility, and even worse, taking God's blessings and grace for granted. that said, i love work on saturdays where i don't have anything to do but sit here and blog--only cause the boss ain't in... hehehe!!!!! (God never said anything about sarcasm tho! :P)

today will be fun... instead of 180 at the fringe, it's 180 at crossroads! a day filled with cleaning up an enormous warehouse facility at their underground complex at the old kaitak airport! wooooooohooooooooooooo! then fun wit pijja and bowling after! i know i know - pijja twice in a week!!!!


doing the work and NY pijjah thang!