passion

just got back from the passion. i gotta say - i understand much more about jesus' love for us, and what it means to love. really. corny, but i mean - you just gotta watch this film for the message. you hear bout the gore, the violence, the hatred, the anti-semitism. heck, you may have your own critique about the film, how it was shot, the soundtrack, the script, the language, the storyline, the somewhat catholic interpretations, whatever.... the plain and simple fact is that this is a true story. i read my bible and saw most of them 'cheesy' films before... but the passion just plain gets it. dying on the cross was the most disgraceful, humiliating, painful way to die. it was absolutely shameful. and that is/was the whole purpose to jesus' life here on earth - to suffer and to bear all that pain, agony, and death for us...

i sometimes say - well - god doesn't get my pain, my sorrows... god doesn't understand about needing money to live... god doesn't know what it's like in this day and age - about what one needs to get by.... god didn't have friends like mine! and the pressures of 'friendship'!!!! how could he understand? ok - so the movie might have exaggerated to some extent, but to how much? i can't even begin to understand how, why. i can't even comprehend trying to be in that position. all i know is that each time i start to complain, each time i'm in one of my moods where i'm dissatisfied with anything and everything - i put jesus right back in that position - marching him toward golgotha, and hammering him to that cross. it was real tough to sit thru that and know that i put him back there on a regular basis....

so yeah - it's not about what could have made this a better movie, or what mel shoulda woulda coulda done. this movie's merit stands on its own. i dunno. all i know is that i'm blessed to have gained a li'l bit of wisdom in the fear of god. beyond that - i don't know nuthin. it's tough to not have a reaction after something like that. it wasn't so much upsetting, guilt-ridden feelings, but more that i could not say for sure whether i would go to those kind of lengths for people i love. i could say i would, but until the time comes, that uncertainty of myself just kills me...