where does my joy come from?

living life in god's blessings is so great. moreover, the grace given to me, however undeserved, is something that i'm realizing increasingly as each day goes by. the problem with me, and maybe with most, is then taking that grace and extending it outwards towards those around us. as much as i'm making a conscious effort to be as jesus was when he was dealing with us and our pitiful human nature, i've also become more conscious towards this whole grace issue in others, both believers and non-believers.

case in point... tonite my family and i were all planning on watching charlie's angels (yeahyeahyeah....) at 7:50 at PP... so, after sunday surrender (which sorta ran a bit overtime), me n d rushed over to crc to meet the folks + brando the big bro + j for dinner. instead of kinda saying we need to get going, we all sit around till the last minute, and then make a mad rush to PP. brando went on ahead to get tix, but turns out there was only the front few rows, which none of us wanted. then they all go bananas! my mom was going off on brando for like mis-organizing (is there such a word?) the evening, and how he shoulda gotten tix way beforehand and how any one of us could have gotten them that afternoon... blahblahblah. her conclusion was that there must be something wrong with him and his brain. the point is that for the 100 times he's organized dinner n movies for us, i can count on 1 finger the time plans got messed up. so then, obviously, somethings gotta be wrong with him. after i said [to everyone], chill out, it's not a big deal.... my mom was like "don't make me out to be the bad guy/girl"! well - it's not an issue of good/bad, right/wrong. it's an issue of grace, on both the giving and receiving end. i mean - the joy of the moment had nothing to do with the movie - we could have done anything, as my mom said. however - what was said and what was acted out were 2 completely different things. it didn't, or shouldn't have, matter(ed) that me n d had to rush to eat dinner, or that j didn't get to really finish her wonton mein, or that brando couldn't get tix. if mom truly meant that it didn't matter - then we coulda just gone out for some dessert or coffee.. it was ruined by a lack of grace to the moment, with one person getting all bent out of shape, and then causing the other to respond in a similar manner. if this sounds familiar - just extrapolate the attitudes to a larger scale, and you have the middle east... you have eastern europe... you have china/taiwan... now, i'm not piously pontificating on my li'l soapbox, cause god knows that i'm far from satisfactory. god has really shown me what grace means, not only HIS infinite grace, but my own limited concept of grace.

psalm 16:11 says "in Your presence is the fullness of joy"... god's grace, god's spirit, is there for our acceptance. and with that acceptance comes joy unimaginable. it's not always this happy warm fuzzies joy that many seem to want to associate and stereotype christianity with (amongst other misconceptions), but rather the confidence allowed to us because of our secure knowledge that we have a salvation and a place in heaven with our one true god. i don't take this verse to only mean His presence in places like church or 180 or wherever... rather, i know that i always live in, and with, HIS presence. god has shown me too much to allow anything to rob me of that joy of living in his mercies and grace day to day. so yeah - ideally - being joyful entails happiness. tonight's fiasco in and of itself wasn't a happy moment, but it also wasn't a disaster. but because of the animosity towards the situation, it turned into just that. it didn't have to be - jesus taught us different. it was still a joyous evening, cause i know that despite the family - me, d n j walked away still with a smile and nothing but the joy of the lord. for that - i know His light still shines.

*i know where my joy comes from... do you? *